Friday, October 28, 2011

No Kidding

(NOTE: Names have been changed to protect the innocent, as well as the not-so-innocent.)

It was the Friday before Halloween, and the halls were abuzz with excitement as middle schoolers were confronted with a variety of unusual and exotic characters not usually seen at school, their costumes all appropriately obeying school rules just as they had been instructed. Well, everyone except the commando who walked into the school office and asked if he would have to leave his machine gun there. Smart boy, although he objected when Mrs. Secretary suggested it would be a good idea to also leave the bullet belt. “They aren’t even real, they’re just plastic.” Plastic or not, they spent the day hidden away in the office next to the toy machine gun.

The halls quieted after the bell rang and students were in class. The principal (let’s call him Mr. P) had just activated the intercom and was about to start the morning announcements when suddenly, the assistant principal (Mrs. AP) shrieked and ran out of her office and down the short corridor toward the main hallway, shouting, “You have got to be kidding!”

The office staff froze for a few seconds, Mr. P staring back toward her with the intercom phone in his hand. Mrs. Secretary dashed back there, wondering “Who is down that hall, and what have they done?”, suspecting that a student had committed some outrageous act. Mr. P started reading the announcements, while casting curious glances toward Mrs. AP’s office where a crowd of staff was gathering.

A partially open cardboard box sat on her chair. Mrs. AP had seen this box earlier that morning, when the custodian showed the snake inside to her, as well as to Mr. P and the counselor (Mr. C). The custodian had found the snake wandering the hallway near the office before 7 a.m. that morning.

By the time Mr. P finished the announcements, the custodian had showed Mrs. AP that the box was actually empty, because the pranksters had kindly transferred the snake to another box. When Mr. P headed toward Mrs. AP’s office to see what was going on, she told him vehemently, “You just wait, you will pay for this!”

“What?” he protested innocently. “Believe me, I did not put that box on your chair.” “And how did you know the box was on the chair?” (It was currently in the custodian’s hands!) He admitted he might know who put it there, but he would never do such a thing to her. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that Mr. P and Mr. C, both laughing their heads off and well aware of Mrs. AP’s fear of snakes, had conspired in this diabolical prank.

Fortunately, there was a substitute in the front office who continued to answer phones and help students and parents, while less responsible office staff loitered in the back, joining the hilarity and speculating on the origins of the hapless snake.

A teacher found more comfortable temporary accommodations for the homeless snake, and Mr. P took it to his office. Everyone got back to work.

About 20 minutes later, a very sweet, wonderful teacher with a first period prep came to talk to Mrs. Secretary. Mrs. Secretary, being a very smart, efficient problem solver, immediately deduced this science teacher might be able to help identify what type of snake Mr. P was harboring. When Mrs. Secretary told this teacher that a snake had been found in the hall that morning, Mrs. Teacher clapped her hand over her mouth and gasped, “A little pink snake?! That’s my snake! It disappeared from my classroom a week ago! I was hoping to find it before anyone else did! I didn’t want to get in trouble!”

Mrs. Teacher identified it as an albino corn snake, and retrieved it from Mr. P as hilarity again ensued. Mrs. Secretary unobtrusively took some photos of Mrs. Teacher and her snake, which she used to start a file on her computer for Mrs. Teacher’s retirement party, which hopefully will not be for many years! Mrs. Secretary is always thinking ahead.

Mystery solved! Mrs. Teacher is only in a little trouble! Mrs. AP’s blood pressure is back to normal and she is no doubt plotting worthy revenge. Mrs. Secretary now waits, camera nearby, with great anticipation to witness the well-deserved payback Mr. P and Mr. C will receive from the grievously mistreated Mrs. AP!

Monday, October 24, 2011

Scintillating Conversation

It's just amazing the exciting conversations we have at the dinner table, just Will and I. Tonight the newspaper was lying there, neatly folded, awaiting my after-dinner perusal. I noticed a story title "Next up for mid-valley weather: Frost...maybe" and thought sadly about my pretty pink impatiens still blooming out under the trees. Then I got up from the table to get something from the kitchen, put a few dishes in the dishwasher, came back to the table.

I saw the paper headline again and said something about maybe having frost tonight. Will gave me a look and said, very kindly and patiently, "Yep, it's that time of year. That's what I told you when you mentioned it earlier." Hmmm. I could have sworn I only thought about mentioning it earlier. And I think Will mumbled when he replied.

Well, at least I can rest assured that as we get older we will never run out of things to talk about - over and over again!

It is just amazing, the exciting conversations Will and I have at the dinner table!

Saturday, October 22, 2011

A Work Party

I wasn't the last one there (my sister Hope was!), but my siblings were finishing up their coffee accompanied by bread pudding as I walked into the house, the air fragrant with the aroma of freshly baked rolls on the counter (waiting for lunch) and the aforesaid bread pudding. Wow, bread pudding made with day-old cinnamon rolls from the bakery where Mom works is amazingly delicious. But even better than that was seeing my 2-year-old niece Serena's radiant smile and hearing her shout, "LeAnn!"

So eventually, three of my brothers, two sisters, my husband, myself, and five nephews(age 5 through 12), got busy doing some outside chores at Mom's house this morning. The boys grabbed rakes and had a great time under the huge cedar tree raking huge piles of cedar needles. A leaf blower, pressure washers, hedge trimmers, and eventually, the John Deere lawn mower, were being operated all around the house and yard. My sister Hope and I harked back to our youthful days, washing inside windows together. It might have taken us twice as long as it needed to but it wasn't our fault. Our baby nephew Jamison was happier being held than being left on the floor, so we took turns washing windows and holding the baby! While we "worked", it was fun hearing my sister Linda in her room, singing along with the southern gospel group on her CD player.

We enjoyed a wonderful lunch together, but the five boys at the kitchen table seemed to be laughing and having more fun than we adults. I kind of wanted to join them, but when I learned the cause of one their bouts of hilarity was the unwanted salmon skin they were tossing from one plate to another, I figured they'd probably have a lot more fun without me! When they got done with dessert (pumpkin cake with cream cheese frosting), I heard one of them say, "We better get back to work." They came over to the big table and thanked Grandma for lunch, and a couple of them even thanked me and Will for the salmon! My sisters are raising wonderful boys! Sure enough, I soon saw them out the window loading the debris they had raked up into a trailer. They were having a great time, jumping and rolling around in it to pack it down!

I was pretty upset that I forgot my camera! But I hope that, in my mind's eye, I will always be able to picture little Serena in her hot pink dress, brightly striped leggings, hot pink boots and even a hot pink bow in her cute hairstyle, and that fantastic smile on her happy face! We got to spend a little quality time together, and she didn't even ask me for gum! Before I left, I made sure she and her brothers got some from me!

So really, it was a fun day. I think we all left around 3:00, and the place looked great! Brother Dave rode his motorcycle down from Sherwood, so we were only missing Mark and John from Fort St. John and Tom from Indiana. (We did admire pictures of Tom's children!)

I'm thinking we should take turns - once a month, everyone come to one of our houses and do a bunch of maintenance type things together? What do you think, kids? Mine first! I have some cabinets and a table that I would really like to refinish! Oh, ok, I won't be selfish. You first!