From Handsome to Hairless

Yesterday after school Eric asked me if I knew where a stocking cap could be found. When I inquired why he was interested, he informed me that he wanted his head shaved but he had to unload the truck at McDonald's that evening so if he couldn't find a "beanie" he would wait until after work to get it done so that he wouldn't freeze. He soon found the desired hat. Now, this is a boy who enjoys having a messy head of hair hanging in his eyes. He becomes thoroughly disgruntled when forced to have a haircut. In reponse to my surprised inquiries, he informed me that he was giving up his hair for Lent. Since when do you observe Lent? In school they learned all about Mardi Gras and Lent, so he and Molly decided to give up soda pop and for some unknown reason he chose to get rid of hair in honor of the occasion also. I like to think there is probably some deep, underlying spiritual significance to this decision. No doubt that is the case. After reviewing the results of my handiwork with a quarter inch comb on the clippers, I'm thinking there's a happy medium there somewhere. You just never know what a day will bring around here.

Health Humor

Isn’t a healthy body a wonderful gift from God? The past six weeks I have had the privilege of taking advantage of today’s medical technology to eliminate some suspicious findings discovered during my yearly exam. Thankfully, everything has turned out benign. I would like to share some of the more humorous medical experiences, but don’t worry, it will be done tastefully with a minimum of boring details.

During one procedure that needed to be accomplished while I was in a very uncomfortable position, the doctor was had a great deal of difficulty attempting to attach something to me. By the time he started over with the third cold instrument, I was unable to stop myself from confessing to him that at that moment, I hated him even more than I hate my dentist. (I’m sure my brother Mr. Iced Tea Forever will find that incomprehensible.) He was very understanding and pointed out at that at least I didn’t have to listen to any whining equipment and I was able to speak. "In fact, you can even swear if you want to," he declared. To which I regretfully replied, "Unfortunately, I’m not a swearing woman." He said he was going to start swearing if he wasn’t successful soon. I was just about to cover my ears when at last he accomplished his task.

When I had a breast biopsy (what a nasty long needle!), I was able to keep my mouth shut and not tell Nurse Cold Hands that I firmly believe warm-handedness should be a job requirement in her particular line of work. As I was lying there face down, she and the doctor kept asking me how I was doing. I got bored with saying "fine" and finally responded with "Fine, except I’m starting to drool." What? So I repeated it. They still didn’t understand, so Nurse Cold Hands came around to the other side, peered down and me and asked, "What did you say?" I enunciated as clearly as I could with the side of my face pressed flat, "Never mind, it was an attempt at drool humor!" I obviously need more practice keeping my mouth shut! Later that day as I was taking Nick to basketball practice and a bit preoccupied with the pain I was feeling, I meant to say "Ok, sweetie pie" but somehow what came out was "Ok, sweetie boob"! He nearly fell out of the car hysterically laughing.

And to wrap it all up, last Friday I had my ringed esophageal stricture stretched for the third time in the past 10 years. (I have some gorgeous colored pictures I could share here but perhaps they go beyond the limits of good taste.) I was hoping that maybe my brother Doug would be willing to go out to dinner with me again if he didn’t have to worry about a repeat of the last time we were at Izzy’s about a year ago, (just me and him and our kids because our spouses were both busy) when a piece of meat got stuck. I optimistically took a big drink of Pepsi to wash it down and the Pepsi promptly came back up all over the table. Then he had to wait nervously at the table while I spent a long time in the restroom with my Pepsi, and everyone who went in there probably thought I was bulimic.

Anyway, the doctor who did it sent me a letter this week summing it up. In 1995, he was able to dilate it to 16mm. In 2002, to 15mm. This time, it started out at 10mm and he could only dilate it to 14mm. Yikes. He recommends that I take medication for gastroesophageal reflux FOREVER to slow down the narrowing of the esophagus. Which really makes me mad because it is definitely a sign of old age to take daily medicine. What really cracked me up was the end of the letter when he wrote "You were a most cooperative patient." The only time he saw me was while I was drugged into oblivion and shortly after coming out of it when he explained what he had done! I really don’t remember much but apparently I didn’t tell him I hated him!

Nick Fouls Out!

Heartbreaker basketball game tonight. Ahead most of the way, other team go ahead by two, the inbound pass stolen by our team with nine seconds left and we make the basket to go into overtime. Unfortunately, by that time, not only Nick but two others of our team have been on the bench for awhile because they fouled out and one is there with an ankle injury, leaving no subs and only little guys are left. They put forth a valiant effort but to no avail, we lose.

Nick had three fouls in the first quarter and looked genuinely shocked on a couple of them. He declared to us after the game that he didn't even touch the player on the fifth foul (end of third quarter), so perhaps the officiating could be questionable, especially since three players fouling out is unheard of in this team! There was only one ref and of course it was one of Will's "ref buddies". Will says his uniform always looks like it was washed in dirty water, and I observed that the man seems unaware that wearing your shorts mid-thigh isn't the current season's trend, or any season in recent memory for that matter. But perhaps he wants everyone to notice that the reason can't runs very well is because of the big wrapping around his knee. Not that we would ever judge anyone by the clothes they wear.

A Saturday Hike

After a beautiful week of sunny weather, we just had to go take a hike today. Besides, Will was at the Northwest Sportmens Show in Portland yesterday and as usual, he was thinking about ways to make my life more enjoyable. So he had a couple of new purchases for me to try out.

As we headed toward McDonald Forest, Will noticed someone he knew in a pickup. "Isn’t that Bambi – no, her name’s not Bambi..." Nick and I hadn’t seen the occupants so we had no idea who in the world Bambi might be. But we soon figured it out. It was Barbie. Will said, "Well, I knew it was one of those fairy tale names." That struck me so funny that I laughed til tears ran down my cheeks.

When we arrived at the parking lot of Dan’s Trail at the McDonald Forest, less than a half hour drive from our house, I put on my new "daypack" that Will purchased the day before. It’s so essential to have a large pack with a jacket, water, snacks, and other necessities just in case. Do you think it’s big enough for an afternoon hike?
The trail went uphill forever. When we finally reached the top, we sat on a bench to refresh ourselves. Will got out his portable ham radio and checked in to see if anyone could hear him. Sure enough, one of his good radio buddies from Lebanon immediately reported that he had a good strong signal. It’s amazing what a high antenna will do! Then another buddy from Tangent reported that he had been on his way out to spray his one fruit tree and heard Will so he had to stop and check in also. He felt that it was a little cold outside and wondered if we were wearing jackets. Will replied that we were sitting in the sunshine in t-shirts and he would be comfortable stripping down even further. (Fortunately he didn’t.) It’s pretty difficult to end a conversation with these guys. Will kept saying, "Okay, nice talking to you, I’ll get back to eating my apple now." But everyone seems to want to have the last word. I got another good laugh out of it all.

Notice also Will's efficient walking stick, propped on the bench next to him. He finds many uses for cross country ski poles!

Eric was working today so he didn't get to come. Nick wasn’t too thrilled about going hiking, but he had a great time and wants to do it again soon. His legs carry him along a bit faster than ours do, but he was quite tolerant of our old, out of shape pace. When he came to a fork, he would return and hike back with us.

When we returned to the trailhead, Will instructed Nick to retrieve the supply box out of the car. The new portable espresso maker was put on the little propane stove, and soon the wonderful smell of espresso filled the air! We sat awhile and enjoyed the coffee. I especially appreciated the way the cup warmed my hands, which had become a bit chilly after we sat down.

We have vowed to get out and do more hiking.

Middle School Basketball

This week Nick's 8th grade basketball team played another team from his school. It's always fun to watch when good buddies play each other. Why is it so especially important to beat your buddies' team? The game was very close, with the outcome in doubt until the last few minutes. We won by 8 points. They all played very hard, with much stealing, diving, and fighting for the ball. All very good natured, and I think everyone had a good time. Nick is the tallest on his team, but the opposing team had two guys taller than him. At the last game I was sitting next to an opposing parent who I overheard commenting about Nick, "Look at that big kid in the middle, he doesn't even have to jump to grab those rebounds." Not true in this game. The tall skinny redhead could way outjump him! I think his arms were twice as long too! Nick is the blue-clad guy in mid-air.

Mystifyingly, in spite of his Troyer bloodline, Nick is not naturally an extremely aggressive player. Part of it might just be his natural politeness and good manners, wanting to give someone else a chance to get the ball first. He used to try to avoid fouling at all cost, but due in part to much encouragement from his mother and some from his father as well, he now regularly gets called for fouls. He had a great game last week and had four fouls. We were so proud! Since many of the basketball refs do baseball and/or football as well, his father is on a first name basis with some of them. A few weeks ago, once such ref not only warned Nick but told his father that Nick needs to quit using his behind to push people around. I'm not sure how many fouls he got for that!

Another aspect of that politeness is passing the ball off to someone else instead of taking the shot himself. I have found that bribery works very well to correct this problem. We now have an arrangement that if he takes the shots he's open for and plays aggressively enough to suit me, I buy him food wherever he wants afterwards. (He hasn't figured out going anywhere expensive yet.) I have noticed that a combination of bribery and having a certain girl as a spectator results in a very good game for him!

For some reason, he doesn't appreciate me shouting encouragement or advice to him when he's playing. I called out "You can do it" once or twice when he was shooting a free throw and his father scoffed at me, not thinking it sounded all that encouraging I guess. So I try to keep my mouth shut other than saying "Good job" "Way to go" etc. in a well-modulated tone of voice. Will gives me a look if I forget and it helps me stay in line. Not that I would get out of line anyway. I mean really, "You can do it" is not an acceptable encouragement? I still maintain that it is perfectly appropriate. But I will not be saying it as long as it is not appreciated.