World's Worst Texter

It's me, if you haven't already heard. Yes, I admit, I am the World's Worst Texter. I am tired of my family making fun of my text messages. After one particularly illegible text, Nick sent back "take the extra 30 seconds to check the message". I have finally abandoned my pride and tried to make my family understand that even when I do glance at the message, it often looks just fine to me because I can't see it very well if I'm not wearing reading glasses. That's another story. I can hardly read anything without them any more.

Last Saturday I was at my parent's house and Doug sent me a text asking how it was going. I was scrap booking and didn't really want to take much time to text back, so quickly I texted him back. Here's our exchange:

Me: Good. I an scrap cooking and dad jr mostly sleeping.

Doug: What is scrap cooking?

Me: Closely related to scrap booking lol.

Doug: I also didn't know dad was a jr

Me: can you believe that when you text is it defaults to jr. always substitute is for jr.

Doug: You are something.

And here's one I recently sent to Eric after he told me he did some cleaning at the house:

"You are my favorite. Want of to bring you floods at shell." (Did you know that when you put the letters for "dinner" in the text, it defaults to "floods"? And "me" always defaults to "of" And of course Eric works at the Shell gas station, shell was not a mistake.)

Then there was the Sunday when I was hanging out during second service when I was on worship team and Will had gone home. I sent him a text that I was stopping by the store after church and should I bring home a roast chicken. I couldn't figure out why he texted me back "I don't know how smart it has to be." How strange. Then I looked back at my sent message and sure enough, it said, "Shall I bring home a smart chicken?"

Then last weekend Nick sent me a text that he was invited over to a friend's house. As I was just looking over my Sent messages, I see that I texted back, "Are you spending tin might?" Apparently he understood I was asking if he was spending "the night". It's really annoying when they text me back "What???" instead of simply trying to figure out what I meant.

I was at at the store last week and Nick asked me to buy cheerios, I texted back, "What line of cheerimp do you want?" When he texted back "What?", I did not deign to reply. I just chose the kind of cheerios myself.

And then there was the time I thought I'd be polite and let Will know I would be late getting home because I was getting a hair cut. Who know the text would say that I was getting a hair but? I got home and Will told me my but cut looked good!

I am sick and tired of always having to press "next" when I want to say "home" and the phone says "good". If I ask, "When will you be good?" or say, "I'll be good soon", just know that "good" equals "home" on my phone.

In fact, I'm tired of pressing "next" for all those common words. Nick and Will tell me that if I always pressed "next" the phone would recognize and default to those words. I insist I press "next" all the time but my phone is just too dumb to figure it out. I don't have time to keep correcting my phone, so here is my texting glossary. I am putting everyone on notice that if you receive a text from me, I will not correct it if the following words default incorrectly.

an might mean am

floods probably means dinner

good probably means home

jr always means is

line might mean kind

of often means me

smart might mean roast

See how easy it is! There might be more, just use your common sense and we will communicate just fine!