Dental Dread

With the usual fear and trembling, I entered my dentist’s office last Thursday morning. I could not postpone it any longer. Just before Easter, I became the victim of a candy-coated milk chocolate egg which was crunchier than I expected. A piece of my back molar broke off and joined the candy. My well-meaning dentist (let's refer to him as Dr. J) had advised me many years ago that I should think about getting crowns on some molars with several fillings because eventually part of the tooth might break off. I laughed in his face and said I was not doing any more crowns until I absolutely had to. Imagine setting up elective dental work! Ha!

No one needs to count how many weeks it's been since Easter. With no pain or discomfort involved, I couldn’t muster up the initiative to call the office. But eventually I forced myself to do the right thing and set up the appointment.

Dr. J is a great guy. The first thing I said when I saw him was, “Ok, now you can say I told you so.” He did. He seems to thoroughly enjoy his job, which includes peering intently into my wide open-mouthed grimace and poking around mercilessly inside my mouth with sharp tools, using drills with the most annoying grinding sounds for as long as possible, and using foul tasting strings and pastes to try and gag me. But he always has a smile on his face and a jolly laugh. He’s very entertaining to talk with. He puts on a convincing show of concern, telling me, “Now be sure and raise your hand if you feel any discomfort.” I say, “I’d rather scream.” “That works too,” he says obligingly. See why I like him in spite of the fact that he’s a dentist?

When I am tilted back into that chair with Dr. J and his assistant’s faces way too close to mine, poking and drilling and spraying, I like to have good armrest to grip tightly as I wait for that sudden sharp pain to course like an electric shock from my tooth through my entire body. I just know it’s coming; it’s happened so many times in my life. Although it hasn’t happened for quite awhile, come to think of it. Of course, my mouth stays numb for days after I have any work done. Does everyone get 5 or 6 shots of Novacaine before any drilling commences? Just kidding, but I do stay numb for quite some time, so I know he’s looking out for me. But I still want better armrests to grip. The new chairs he got several years ago have small low armrests. Tho I have advised him several times that they are quite unsatisfactory, so far I haven’t convinced him to buy different chairs. In fact, he had the nerve to tell me I should be glad I'm not in Europe because they have no arm rests on dental chairs over there!

Another reason I need good arm rests to clutch is because sometimes when I am tilted back in that chair and they are both in my face spraying me and causing all kinds of discomfort and unpleasant noises, I have the almost uncontrollable urge to push them away, leap up, and run screaming out of the office. No, LeAnn, hang on to that armrest and allow your thoughts of sudden escape to remain a pleasant fantasy.

When they first started working on me during this visit, the assistant was putting in a little more water than she was taking out. I feared drowning for a few brief seconds, and I asked him if that was what they call water boarding. He actually confessed to me that he is a secret agent for the CIA. Brilliant! Who better to torture confessions out of people than a dentist!

He does seem to appreciate some of my advice. I'm kind enough to dispense it freely. I let him know that something he used during the process tasted terrible and he really should find something better. He assured me that he has tasted everything available and that was the very best flavor on the market. I bet he did that just for me! Of course, I don’t only point out negative things. I told him the goo that set the temporary crown was very refreshing.

When I was telling Will about my experiences there, he gently said to me, “Now, you do know that you really aren’t a Princess, right? Just because I treat you like one doesn’t mean you should expect the rest of the world to do so.” I pondered that for a few seconds but I’m still not sure why he felt it necessary to point that out. After all, I'm there for a crown, and Dr. J is always wanting to give me crowns!!

I get to go back on Thursday to get the final crown. After that, I hope I don’t have to see my nice funny secret agent dentist for a very long time. It's possible, in fact quite probable, that he hopes the same!