10 Steps to Becoming a Great RV Wife

A great RV wife knows that her main job is to enhance her husband's image as a knowledgable, competent, savvy, RV guy. Here are some ways to accomplish that.

1. When backing into an RV spot:  If your backing signals are a family joke, and your husband made it clear many years ago that he preferred being directed by your 10-year-old son, then he deserves to be on his own now that the children are all grown up and he's stuck with just you. However, if people are watching, be sure to get out and direct him as competently as possible so that he appears to be a successful RVer with a good wife. Try to remember to stand in a position where he can see you in his mirror. He may get irritated if he can't see your signals, and you want to avoid irritating him.

2.    When setting up the RV:  It is very important to let your husband be in charge of things like electricity, water, and sewage. If you do too much, other RVers around you will think your husband is inept. It is acceptable to appear helpful with simple things like placing the chocks and pads under the jack.

3.  Speaking of sewage: ladies don't. It is best to be oblivious to the workings of this system in your RV. Just let your husband do his manly duties to take care of things with nasty names like "black water".

4.  Occasionally, make a silly mistake and let him figure out how to fix it. For example, it's your job to turn on the air conditioning in hot weather as soon as he plugs in the electricity. If the RV doesn't cool off, and you eventually notice it's 88 degrees inside and 85 outside, go out where he is sitting in the shade with his dog and express your concern about the air conditioner.  When he comes in and sees that the switch is on Heat instead of Air, he will instantly be a hero for miraculously fixing the air conditioner by simply switching it to Air.  A great RV wife would admit she must have been careless or forgot to put her glasses on and apologize for making such a grievous error. One who is still learning to be a great RV wife might accuse her husband of bumping the switch on his way to the bedroom to count his 21 shirts. (It helps if you have a great RV husband who thinks this is one of the most hilarious things ever.)

5. When your husband has a new and amazing toy, such as an Incredible touch screen cell phone, and he believes you can bypass your map retardation by learning the Navigate system and other mysterious computer things it can do, resign yourself to learning as best you can. The first day, you can blame your mistakes and ineptitude on the fact that you don't have any reading glasses. After that, when you have glasses in the pickup, it's harder to find excuses for mess ups (although there is often a glare on the screen). After a week when you say, "Now how do you get off this keypad again?" and he exclaims, "I can't believe you still don't know how to do that!", try not to let your feelings get hurt. He is a man, and men understand tech things better than they understand women who don't get tech things.

6. Make lots of admiring comments about his dog, even if you secretly wonder about a big chocolate lab who is content to sleep away a 12-hour day in the pickup while his owners wander down the road with an ever changing destination. Is that normal? If you must have a dog, that is the kind to have.

7. Be very careful not to look behind you and make any loud exclamations about the dog as you are driving down the road. Just because the dog's head is in the styrofoam container of leftover picnic food that your husband did not put the lid on does not mean that you should gasp and say, "No, Zeek!" Your husband may slam on the brakes and pull over, alarmed that perhaps Zeek, his perfect dog, is doing something very unacceptable such as pooping. When he finds out the real reason for your outcry and believes it to be unworthy of such vociferation, he may become slightly irritated with you. Let me repeat, you should try to avoid doing things that irritate your husband. (Unless they are really fun for you.)

8. If your husband should ever mistakenly close the slideout over a hose bib that should have first been lowered, causing the fender to bend outward at an alarming angle, let him know you still respect him completely. Because he is a highly skilled and competent RV guy, within the hour he will straighten out the bend so well that no one but the most inquisitive fault finder will even notice the slight indentation where it bent. Compliment him on his repair job, and do not tell anyone about this embarrassing mishap. Let him tell whom he wishes (and he will tell), because his image is not important to him.

9. If his cell phone startles you from a sound sleep at  4:11 am with the text message notification blaring "Pay attention when I'm talkin' to you boy" in a horrible cartoon character voice, and the message is a Mariners baseball score (delayed due to poor cell reception at the RV park), try to calm your racing heart and quietly go back to sleep, keeping your bitter thoughts to yourself. There will be plenty of time the next day to encourage him to find a more pleasing notification sound. Just be thankful he normally turns it off at night.

10. And of course, the most important thing is to have a great RV husband who knows both how to read a map and work a Navigate program, can figure out and fix things that go wrong, and best of all, who treats you like a princess and laughs with you at all the minor annoyances and major inconveniences that come your way as you travel down the road (even if you are the one who causes them). Thank the Lord for the good health and love he has given you to enjoy life on the road as well as at home.

How Not to Travel, Part 2

Here is the outcome of following the three helpful How Not to Travel Tips from Part 1:

It was after 6 pm by the time we arrived in Estes Park. With the help of the Good Sam Directory and the Navigate program on the Mister's Incredible phone, we found our way to the highest rated RV park in Estes Park, because after doing all that research, I certainly didn't want to end up at a park that's dirty, crowded, has traffic noise, or looks like an RV trailer trash. (It also happened to be one of the closest.) Unfortunately the office was closed and no one answered the phone.  It looked extremely full and cramped. This is the highest reviewed RV park in Estes Park?! Ok, on to the next one down the road, a KOA. They were open but full. The kind lady there dialed the number of another RV park for me, but they didn't answer either.

We took off toward the next possibility but soon realized we were on Rt 34, not Rt 36 as we thought. We were out of town and headed into a narrow rocky canyon along the Big Thompson River. Absolutely beautiful, but no place to turn around an RV. Loveland is the next town, about 20 miles away, so I opened the RV guide to Loveland. What? Only one listing, and it's on the other side of Loveland in a small town called Johnstown?  But it's big, it should have room. Also my state park guide tells me that Boyd Lake State Park is located in Loveland, and it has 148 sites. Hope rises once again that we will end up in a state park.

But no. As we approach Loveland, the Mister spots an sign for Riverside RV Park and is able to turn around and go back to it. "What?" I say. "It's not in the book!" Oh, but wait. I was looking at "Loveland Area". On the page before, I find "Loveland", with many RV parks listed. Good grief. When did they start that?

This is an older park with many tall trees, grass, a fenced dog area, many amenities, and it is indeed on the river. And there were a couple of sites available!!! We set up in a pull-through with a meadow behind us. After 446 miles and 12 hours 44 minutes on the road with much uphill and downhill, we were finally camped. By 9:30 pm, the beef stew has been heated for the Mister's dinner and the chicken salad is ready for me.

Unfortunately, we were next to the noisiest group in camp.  I'm happy to hear people having a good time, but one woman had the most annoying loud laugh. It about drove me over the edge. (If you have a friend with a very loud obnoxious laugh, do her a favor and let her know she needs to not ever laugh again.) Shortly after 11 pm when I was about to go out and ask politely if they could quiet down so I could sleep, I heard another neighbor making the request. The party then broke up and they left the next day.

We looked over the state park the next morning, and though beautiful, it's all the way on the other end of town. We moved to a shadier spot at this park and we have decided to stay until the reunion starts Friday. (Although we are of course reserving one day at a time.) It's not perfect but it's shady. It is a gorgeous half hour drive to Estes Park, and we are blessed to have the rest of the week to explore Rocky Mountain National Park and the surrounding area.

Coming soon..... some tips from my vast successful experience on how to be a great RV wife!

How Not To Travel, Part 1

We have been on vacation for 10 days now, and I am confident I have gained much travelling wisdom. I love to give advice, so here is my opportunity to share a few tips I have learned along the way. Our traveling style is very flexible. We have a general idea of where we want to go and what we want to see, but reservations made too far in advance are frowned upon by the Mister. If you were locked into an itinerary and you found a place along the way that you wish to stay awhile longer, it would be a very bad thing for this household. 

Tip #1. When you do make a reservation because, after all, it's a weekend, go ahead and reserve three nights, expecting you will like the RV park based on the guidebook write-up and the name, "Archview Resort".  When you see pictures and read about the Arches, Canyonlands, and Dead Horse Point State Park, it seems like you would need several days to explore them. But  when you start and end your days in a hot RV at a barren RV park with no shade in 105 degree temperatures and intermittent high winds that cause you to scramble with awnings and shade tarps, you will wish you could up and leave without losing your money. 

Don't allow yourself to get too frustrated about having to reset  the switches when the air conditioning keeps tripping off every five minutes, making it very difficult to cool the interior of the RV.  Be thankful that the Mister lines the windows with tinfoil and is able to go out and buy insulated windshield covers to place between your shades and the windows to block the heat. Don't worry that all your RV neighbors will think you're some sort of alien-fearing freak because of all the shiny metallic coverings lining your windows.  Be very thankful when toward the end of the second day, the smart partner realizes that a simple removal of an extra electrical extension will cause the air conditioning to run much more efficiently. If the manager of the RV park won't respond to your request for a refund,  agree with your partner that you've had enough, you hate the place.  Leave anyway and tell all your friends to never camp at the Archview RV Resort. 

Tip #2:  Spend a lot of time researching RV parks/campgrounds and reading online reviews. Of course, its a big waste of your time if the Mister doesn't believe in making reservations in advance. The good ones will be full by the time you call an hour in advance or foolishly show up expecting a site, and you will likely be stuck with the dumpy park anyway.

Tip #3:  Allow yourself to become so traumatized by your three-night reservation at the heck hole that you are afraid to reserve anything for even one night, even on the day you need to arrive there.

When you start down the road and you have three great options for the night, its ok if you decide the first one is too close to your previous stay and still too hot. Keep going down the road. When you call to make sure the second option still has some openings and they tell you they only have two spots at $70 each, go ahead, gasp and sputter than anyone would charge so much for a place to park your RV. Don't even think about the possibility that if you don't grab it, there is high probability that many miles down the road and many hours later as dark approaches, you will feel like strangers with no room at the inn.  Don't give yourself permission to splurge.

Of course, if you would have splurged, quite likely you would have arrived to see that it is just one more RV park with too many big rigs lined up too close together with not enough shade. You would kick yourself for not going on down the road to unknown possibilities....I guess we'll never know.

When you are down to your last and most exciting option, (a state park in the mountains), don't bother to reserve a spot when you call at 2 pm to see if there are any openings. Believe the person on the other end of the phone when they tell you the spots are big enough for your rig. Believe them when they answer your question by assuring you there is not much of a climb from the highway.

When you get stuck in slow traffic for two hours, just relax and enjoy the scenery. Provide your partner with his favorite snacks (Vanilla Wafers) that you thoughtfully purchased earlier, and cold non-alcoholic drinks you packed in the small cooler. Keep your Good Sam Trailer Life Campground Guide on your lap and check all the towns near and beyond that state park for RV parks. When you start to get the picture that the only camping available for many miles after are Forest Service camps (with sites too small for your rig), perhaps its ok to share that information with your traveling partner. But oh well, just optimistically assume that of course there will be a spot for you at this gorgeous state park in the mountains where you are craving a stay in the cool forest surrounded by wildflowers, so different from the previous RV park from heck.

When you finally exit the freeway and the road immediately start to climb, don't panic. It's a really nice road. When you get to a small, lovely casino town such as Central City with tiny streets, sharp corners, and lots of families with small children at crosswalks, don't worry. Be thankful you are traveling with an expert RV driver whose occasional heavy sighs could be interpreted as signs of frustration,  but who is always in full control of his emotions and doesn't swear.  Enjoy the gorgeous mountain scenery after you safely pass through these two nightmarishly narrow streeted small towns (the picturesque Black Hawk is on the route also). Breathe in the pine scented air. Allow the peace of being in mountain forests with views of valleys and distant peaks to wash over you. You may need it later.

When you pull into the beautiful state park with the lovely name of Golden Gate Canyon and it is every bit as gorgeous as the pictures, allow your hopes to soar. You will be flabbergasted to find that all the big rig spots are  taken by your arrival time after 5 pm. 

When your partner pulls out and goes the wrong directions and you have to get out and skillfully help him back up and turn around, just smile. When the arrogant Forest Service guy comes by and insinuates you're an idiot to think you had a chance to get a spot at a beautiful popular state park this late in the day without a reservation, it's ok to be annoyed and tell your partner you don't like him. (The Forest Service guy, not your partner. You must never tell your partner you don't like him even if it's true right after you are turned away from the beautiful state park where he wouldn't let you make a reservation.)

When you go back to the main road and your partner suggests you look in the Good Sam book for parks at the upcoming towns, DO NOT hit him over the head with said 10 pound book you have been perusing on your lap for the past 3 hours. Forgive yourself if you snap at him a bit and suggest he look at it himself. Appreciate his calm demeanor and assurance that everything will work out as you head down the scenic Peak to Peak Byway toward Estes Park an hour's drive away, where the next RV parks are located. Lots of them. It should be no problem, after all, in Utah there was plenty of room in the RV parks. Too bad there's no cell service in these mountains to call ahead, but oh well. Everything will work out. You've only been on the road twice as long as you expected to be that day. Things will be fine.

What Went Wrong...

We left on vacation a week ago, and every day I type up a log of the day's events under two headings: what went wrong and what went right. What went wrong is, of course, always much shorter than what went right.

What went wrong the first day: I opened the closet to find all the clothes on the floor. The center support for the rod had come loose and the whole rod and clothing came tumbling down. When Will got around to fixing it (we won't say how many days later), he discovered the rod was bent and unusable. Fortunately, we had plenty of empty cupboards and drawers in the bedroom of this awesome RV. Will issued an edict that we would fold the clothes and place them in these storage areas until he gets what he needs to fix the closet. He started on his clothes first.

When I heard his loud guffaws, I went back to see what was so funny. He couldn't believe how many t-shirts he had in that closet! He keeps old ones with frayed collars in here for camping alone, but of course brings newer shirts for camping with the public! He has way more clothes in here than I do! He said it looks like he is a clothes hoarder, but he just can’t throw those shirts away! “Maybe we can find someone who needs paint shirts,” he said. "They’d have to be big people," says I. He said he has a lot of duplicate colors, but there a strategy behind it. That way no one knows if he changed his shirt. "No," said I, "actually that way no one thinks you ever change your shirt!"

I did laundry yesterday, and when I added the clean t-shirts to the stack of rolled up shirts in his cabinet, I counted them - 21! And that's not including the button-down shirts, (both short sleeve and long sleeve), the rain gear, the heavy winter gear, and various other jackets and miscellaneous he had hanging in the closet! It's no wonder the poor rod bent beneath it's load!

Will the clothes horse - who would have thought it? Here he is last weekend at his cousin's place, trying very hard not to wear out one of his nice new t-shirts.

Colorado Vacation: First Day

We survived our first day on the road together and remained cute and fun to be with for approximately 98% of our day. Last week my brother Doug commented that he wished we would have a video camera in our vehicle that he could listen in on as we travel together, so I will make him happy and share some of the things he would have enjoyed.

There is a bit of back ground noise as you drive on these concrete roads in a big pickup, pulling an RV. It makes it difficult to converse at times. Neither of us are the least bit hard of hearing of course. We had lunch at Cousins and as we left I noticed their sign said "WiFi hotspot". So I asked Will, "What does the Fi in WiFi stand for?" His reply was "What about fire?" Later as we drove through the mountains I heard him say something about orange sheep. I looked around and said, "What about orange sheep?" Oh, actually he said, "Watch for big horn sheep!"

As we were pulling out of a gas station after filling up, I asked Will how many miles we had gone. He said about 300 miles on that tank. "Oh, that's good, isn't it," I replied. With a slight edge of testiness in his voice he said, "So you were sleeping for two hours and now I'm trying to concentrate on getting out of here and you are full of questions!" "Well, excuse me," said I pleasantly, "I forgot that we can't all multi-task." So after we got back on the interstate, he said, "OK, what were you asking?" "I believe I said, "That's pretty good, isn't it?" That's all!" Ok, maybe this is what Doug was talking about!

Will doesn't like to drive this many miles in one day with the RV and says the rest of our days will be shorter. I'm not sure what his problem is, I quite enjoyed the long drive. I had a morning nap, an afternoon nap, and a late afternoon nap and viewed beautiful scenery in between. Zeek happily napped all day also. We won't even talk about Will trying to show me how to get maps and tracking apps on his new Incredible phone. i think I did just fine for someone with my stunted tech capabilities. Don't ask him what he thinks!

Now we are in an RV park in Meridian, Idaho. Will's sister brought dinner, which we ate outside at the picnic table. We will spend more time with her and his cousin tomorrow. It's midnight here, better get to bed because I won't have much time to nap tomorrow!

Don't Call Me Grandma!

Gotta love summer time. Spent the past two long weekends camping at the Metolius. The first weekend was nice and quiet, just me and Will and Zeek the dog. The second weekend, we shared our campsite with Nick and my brother Doug and his family. In the campsites adjoining and adjacent were many other friends. I believe I heard that there were over 50 people in the group, includiing about 30 children.

Our campground is about a mile from the Camp Sherman store, so we often enjoy a group walk along the river trail to the store. Saturday morning I joined a group of 4 women and 5 children on this trek. I fell back with Tiesha and her little guy Trent, and we soon lagged behind the rest. A walk was not Trent's idea of a good time. He thought staying in one place and throwing sticks in the river was the only fun thing. Totally a blast for a one year old. It soon became apparent that this walk was not meant to be for him, and I eagerly volunteered to be the "mom" to her other two children for the rest of the walk so she could turn back.

I caught up to the rest of the group and told Madi and Lincon that I got to be their "mom" for the rest of the walk. I enjoyed helping them pick out ice cream at the little store...and then Lincon announced that he had to use the bathroom. As we trudged over to the outhouse, I realized he probably wasn't old enough to go in there alone...Man, I hate outhouses. I'm an RV girl these days. Lincon was very particular about making sure I had the toilet seat perfectly lined with toilet paper before he allowed me to seat him upon it.

It has been a very long time since I had to accompany a little boy to the bathroom. I remember thinking thae my little Nick would never learn to take care of business for himself, but eventually he did, and I was ever so glad to be rid of that chore. Anyway, I stood in there patiently waiting, holding Lincon's melting ice cream push up and my melting Snickers ice cream bar (both still in their wrapping thank goodness). Lincon asked why I was looking at the ceiling. I didn't want to tell him it was because it was the least disgusting place to look at in there, so I just said because it's so high. Some old guy opened the door (which I had forgotten to lock) and started to charge in there. He wasn't too pleased to see me in the corner and a little boy on the toilet.

So finally that ordeal was over, and Maggie the dog was having a great time swiping her tongue at all the children's melting ice cream. I sat down with two little girls, Madi and Rae. Madi had a great idea! "How about if we pretend you are our grandma for this weekend!" I about choked on my melting Snickers bar. Now, I am well aware that I am old enough to be her grandma, and what joy when that day comes, some day when I am an old lady. But I am not yet a grandma. I had to tell her I wasn't emotionally prepared to be a grandma, but I would be happy to pretend to be her Aunt LeAnn. She liked that, and I soon had a few more little girls calling me that.

There were lots of wonderful little girls in the camping group. They would actually run up and hug me like they were so glad to see me. I'm sure it wasn't just because of the nectarines I shared with them. Was it?

I like my grown up friends and family, but it was very special to spend a little time with some fun, energetic, interesting and funny little girls! And I loved seeing all the little boys playing in the dirt! You parents are doing an awesome job!