Soon it will be over....

Hmmm. I want it to be a week from now. Then I will be past the worst of the recovery and eagerly preparing for our vacation to Canada.

Tomorrow is the surgery to take out the remaining atypical ductal hyperplasia. Back in January, a surgeon removed the core but didn't take out four margins that spread to unknown areas. These precancerous cells have a 50 percent chance of turning into cancer, but the surgeon's approach was, "We'll watch it and catch it early if it turns to cancer." I didn't really appreciate that attitude, and neither did two specialists I consulted with who prefer prevention to treatment.

I wanted to wait until all the busyness of the school year was over, and here we are already. I was pretty successful about putting it out of my mind with so many things going on, but the past few days it has been looming large in my mind. Especially because they don't know how deep or how far they will have to go to get it all out. The first surgery left me with a scar but no malformation. Will my good fortune continue?!

The past few days, I keep thinking about my mom and how she must have felt as her surgery approached. She was only 40 years old with 6 children still at home, the youngest barely 4 years old. She had no idea what would result from the lump on her breast before her surgery. She wrote that when she regained consciousness after the surgery, her first thought was, "Did they have to take it?" and feeling the bandages on her chest, realizing that yes, they did, and then praying, "Thy will be done." She had another surgery a few days later to take out the lymph nodes under her arms. The cancer was much more extensive than doctors had first thought. As a mother, I just can't imagine how awful that would be. For some reason, the past few days I think of her and get teary eyed, even though our circumstances aren't remotely similar.

Then last night I got unreasonably upset when I realized Will hadn't watered a flower bed, completely out of proportion to his transgression! But I realized the real problem was that I was feeling a little stressed about my upcoming hospital visit and I need to be careful not to take it out on the people I love! (Then again, he better just watch his step!)

This too shall pass. All around me are hurting people who are grieving lost loved ones or are suffering through health or family problems. It's only reasonable that I should have some small share of trouble. I just need to always remember to say, "Thy will be done" and leave it there.