Friday, October 28, 2011

No Kidding

(NOTE: Names have been changed to protect the innocent, as well as the not-so-innocent.)

It was the Friday before Halloween, and the halls were abuzz with excitement as middle schoolers were confronted with a variety of unusual and exotic characters not usually seen at school, their costumes all appropriately obeying school rules just as they had been instructed. Well, everyone except the commando who walked into the school office and asked if he would have to leave his machine gun there. Smart boy, although he objected when Mrs. Secretary suggested it would be a good idea to also leave the bullet belt. “They aren’t even real, they’re just plastic.” Plastic or not, they spent the day hidden away in the office next to the toy machine gun.

The halls quieted after the bell rang and students were in class. The principal (let’s call him Mr. P) had just activated the intercom and was about to start the morning announcements when suddenly, the assistant principal (Mrs. AP) shrieked and ran out of her office and down the short corridor toward the main hallway, shouting, “You have got to be kidding!”

The office staff froze for a few seconds, Mr. P staring back toward her with the intercom phone in his hand. Mrs. Secretary dashed back there, wondering “Who is down that hall, and what have they done?”, suspecting that a student had committed some outrageous act. Mr. P started reading the announcements, while casting curious glances toward Mrs. AP’s office where a crowd of staff was gathering.

A partially open cardboard box sat on her chair. Mrs. AP had seen this box earlier that morning, when the custodian showed the snake inside to her, as well as to Mr. P and the counselor (Mr. C). The custodian had found the snake wandering the hallway near the office before 7 a.m. that morning.

By the time Mr. P finished the announcements, the custodian had showed Mrs. AP that the box was actually empty, because the pranksters had kindly transferred the snake to another box. When Mr. P headed toward Mrs. AP’s office to see what was going on, she told him vehemently, “You just wait, you will pay for this!”

“What?” he protested innocently. “Believe me, I did not put that box on your chair.” “And how did you know the box was on the chair?” (It was currently in the custodian’s hands!) He admitted he might know who put it there, but he would never do such a thing to her. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that Mr. P and Mr. C, both laughing their heads off and well aware of Mrs. AP’s fear of snakes, had conspired in this diabolical prank.

Fortunately, there was a substitute in the front office who continued to answer phones and help students and parents, while less responsible office staff loitered in the back, joining the hilarity and speculating on the origins of the hapless snake.

A teacher found more comfortable temporary accommodations for the homeless snake, and Mr. P took it to his office. Everyone got back to work.

About 20 minutes later, a very sweet, wonderful teacher with a first period prep came to talk to Mrs. Secretary. Mrs. Secretary, being a very smart, efficient problem solver, immediately deduced this science teacher might be able to help identify what type of snake Mr. P was harboring. When Mrs. Secretary told this teacher that a snake had been found in the hall that morning, Mrs. Teacher clapped her hand over her mouth and gasped, “A little pink snake?! That’s my snake! It disappeared from my classroom a week ago! I was hoping to find it before anyone else did! I didn’t want to get in trouble!”

Mrs. Teacher identified it as an albino corn snake, and retrieved it from Mr. P as hilarity again ensued. Mrs. Secretary unobtrusively took some photos of Mrs. Teacher and her snake, which she used to start a file on her computer for Mrs. Teacher’s retirement party, which hopefully will not be for many years! Mrs. Secretary is always thinking ahead.

Mystery solved! Mrs. Teacher is only in a little trouble! Mrs. AP’s blood pressure is back to normal and she is no doubt plotting worthy revenge. Mrs. Secretary now waits, camera nearby, with great anticipation to witness the well-deserved payback Mr. P and Mr. C will receive from the grievously mistreated Mrs. AP!

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