Western Caribbean: Belize

Wednesday, January 22: On our last port day, we took an excursion from Belize City to the Lamanai (Submerged Crocodile) Ruins. We saw no crocodiles, submerged or otherwise, and were a bit disappointed in the lack of wildlife. The description of the trip failed to mention that you would be on a bus for nearly an hour before getting on the boat for your "scenic cruise" down the river. Oh well.  Venisa and Anthony went on the Altun Ha Mayan Ruins excursion, the one that we really wanted, but we didn't book it in time. Neither did they, but they got the trip when a spot opened up. They saw crocodiles and monkeys and manatees and lions and tigers and bears, oh wait, why am I exaggerating? Anyway it sounded like their travel time was shorter and they saw more cool stuff, but we aren't jealous, we are very happy for them. 

Just as our bus was about to leave, a lady rushed on the bus in a panic because she lost her sister after they went to the restroom. Our tour guide, Elvis Usher, assured her that she was probably on the bus that had just left in front of us. Sit down, we're leaving. (Of course, he had to reprimand her a bit because he had told us to stay in the line.) Anyway, this poor lady was freaking out because her sister was 70 years old and needed her to watch out for her. Elvis was trying to make sure we all knew that he was the best tour guide in the world and that he was going to give us a very fun and happy day. He told her it was hard for everyone to be happy when she was so sad and she just needed to trust him that everything would be ok. "But I don't know how she could have got on that bus, I have both of our tickets," she wailed. After he got through with his opening spiel to us, he got on the phone and found out that the sister was actually on a bus behind us, and assured the crying woman that she could wait for her when we got to the river. He tried so hard to logically convince this woman that she needed to stop being so sad because her sadness made it impossible for him to give everyone the most fun and happy day of their trip. Oh my goodness. Moral of the story: be very careful when you and your helpless older sister use a public restroom. You might spend the rest of the day crying if you lose her, and thus ruin everyone else's day. (Actually, people were very kind and sympathetic to her.)

Anyway, Elvis was a very patriotic Belize citizen and shared many interesting stories with us. He is still very angry with Christopher Columbus and all the Spaniards. He also passed around a cacao pod, which he grows in his backyard. He told us that gas is $6/gallon, and it takes a whole day's salary for him to drive to and from his village to work in Belize City. (Hint: If we don't tip him, he will have no money for anything but gas.) Although someday when his cacao trees mature, he will make a lot of money from them.

The cacao

Our intrepid party, about to embark on the scenic cruise down the New River.

30 people made this a very crowded river cruise. Poor Galen only had half his buns on the edge of the bench and finally moved to the cooler in the middle of the boat. Elvis insisted on taking our picture. He called Will "Big Papa".  He pointed out a Mennonite farm, and mentioned that Mennonite/Amish were one of the five main ethnic groups (The internet tells me the breakdown is mestizo 48.7%, Creole 24.9%, Maya 10.6%, Garifuna 6.1%, and other 9.7%. Another website told me that 3.7 of the population is Mennonite) Anyway, I had to laugh, because Will has always said that Mennonites are a race. There you go.

Hats were in grave danger of being snatched by the wind and flying far, far away. One unlucky gentleman with a long flap of comb-over lost his into the raging river waters. So sad. I realized I had forgotten sunglasses but amazingly, there happened to be a shop that sold them right where we were standing in line to board the bus. And I didn't get lost. Fortunately. The whole bus would have found it twice as impossible to have the happiest day of their trip if Will had been sobbing uncontrollably about losing me forever in the sunglasses store.

Will doesn't have  comb-over but I didn't want him to lose his hat. He really likes that hat. He probably wouldn't have sobbed uncontrollably about losing it though. Probably wouldn't have sobbed at all. At least in public. I am really cracking myself up tonight.

And here we are, about to set forth into the wild jungle. We're all happy. It's been hours since we heard anyone crying.

The jungle is full of exotic, parasitic plants with strange roots and unfamiliar foliage. And Elvis told us all about all of them. I sure wish I could remember everything he told us.

Mask Temple

All of our party climbed to the top of the Mask Temple.

High Temple

And then there was the High Temple, with a yellow rope along the middle of the stairs for the timid to clutch on their way up and down.

Galen and I are not timid. That's us on the left, bolding charging up the 125 steps. Look, no hands!

And there we are, triumphantly posing at the top.

Galen and Elvis

Elvis, the world's greatest tour guide, ran all the way up those steep, rugged, uneven steps. He wasnt even winded. He posed and took pictures of his tour people. He did everything he could to give us a happy experience at the top of the High Temple. Unbelizable.

It was an awesome view from up there.

Will and Carol are down there in the shade on the right. I can't see them, can you? We made it safely down without the rope, although we did not run down like Elvis did. I asked him what kind of fitness program kept him in shape to run up and down those stairs and he looked at me like I was a stupid American or something. He said he rides his bike everywhere and he just does the things a man does. I realized later that if he climbs those stairs two or three times a week, that's a pretty good fitness program in itself!

We finished our trek through the jungle and enjoyed an authentic Belizian barbecued chicken dinner with rice and beans in the hut below. It was delicious. (And there were plenty of forks.) Elvis had told us that they cook the rice in coconut milk, and they season the chicken with a spice that we do not have in the U.S. He happened to have little packets with him that he was happy to sell to those who asked. Can you belize it?

I learned this unbelizable little play on words from Elvis, the world's greatest tour guide.

The boat seemed even more crowded on the return trip. Will volunteered to sit in a special place. Best seat on the boat, he said.

We had an uneventful trip through the narrow roads back to the city.  Elvis Usher lived up to his name and sang a rousing rendition of the Belize national anthem. It was unbelizabley beautiful.

Sadly, there was not a beautiful sunset to view that night, but we did not let that ruin our happy day. A delicious seafood dinner helped.

And a triple chocolate dessert was quite a satisfying treat.

At dinner, we discussed the days gifts, with the topic being three gifts seen close up. Our gifts included each other as we were close together on the boat, the old stone stairs of the ruins, and the manatees seen by just a couple of lucky people!